life is like a roller coaster ride
time flies like a wind blowing trough my face. i never thought my life will be such a mess. starting with my relationship with my mum then it trails to my friend and boyfriend. i dont know how did my life ended here. its such a dissapointing moment. almost 3 month not seeing the face of the person who give birth to me hurts me more than anything. every second am crying inside and keep shouting calling her name but she doesnt seem to hear me out or she just ignore the feeling. the worst feeling ever is not seeing her smile, her jokes, her nags. i know if today am with her my life will be much more easy and happier not as complicated as now.
A guy that i fall for broke my heart into pieces. dante met him on birthday and i just melt when i first saw him. such a soft spoken men with a very cool attitude. men never stop trying to be jerk. after a month and after i fall down really hard for him he bail out from my life just like that. in life i never denied that money keep things going smoothly but if you earn all the money in the world and be alone there’s no happiness in your life. a guy who chooses me over money can go fuck himself. i never regret knowing him but i’ve learn my lesson. but what goes around comes around one day he himself will knock on the door and get his heart broken and i know that when he will realise what a ass hole he is to me. i shouldn’t have fall so hard on him but am just a girl that has been hurt so much and when finally a guy came into my life i just let myself be in the relationship. one thing i learn about guys is when they get you they’ll never treat you the same way when they first want you to be their girlfriend. but am now moving on with my life.
The drops of the alchohol help me to forget that i’ve destroy my own life. every inhale of weed makes me happy even for a short time. what am i doing with my life why am i like this. this is not who i am. my freind never stop supporting me behind me. my father who never leaves me is there for me always. my broken heart is healed when i start holding nadi’s hand he makes me happy, he makes feel am so lucky. but sometimes its hard for me to admit that someone actually cared about me since i’ve been left broken hearted a most of the time. he maybe tool dante out of the picture and i appriciate that. that’s why i do love him. but am still hurt and i need my mum. he can be there for me for everything but when never to make me stop thinking of my mum. i miss her i really do.
Since i left my mum my heart has been very weak. everyday am calling her too see that am sick i need her hands to make me feel better i need her to hug me. my asthma is getting worst day by day i just can feel it but what i can do is just smile and think everything will be okay one day. lighting up each sticks of cigaratte makes me calm down i know am killing myself but i cant live without my mum. i just cant do without. one day if my heart just stop i just wish she knows how much i love her. no one knows am dying everyday only god know whats inside me.
My life has been hell in starting of 2013. maybe its just not my year to begin with. life has much more to offer you just have to keep on surviving in this beautiful world. i dont know if i can survive all trough out. i pray to Allah everyday that i will see my mums beautiful. inshallah..
